Motherhood is hard. It’s so, so hard.
As you know, my youngest two have been down with strep. Well, they weren’t getting better. In fact, they have been getting worse. We took a trip to the doctor (again..) today. Addi has an ear infection and has to have breathing treatments due to some wheezing.
Harper is still a bit of a mystery. Everything looks and sounds good. Other than the insane amount of hives that she broke out in an hour before her appointment. She had to have a LOT of bloodwork done. Poor girl is dehydrated from not eating or drinking, so they had a really hard time with it. She cried a lot. I fought tears. Addi is scarred for life I am sure. (They always get really energetic at the doctor’s office because there are new toys to play with.)
To add to the fun, my husband is also incredibly sick.
I have been doing load after load of laundry, cleaning surfaces of everything daily, making meals for people with zero appetite, and trying to stay afloat. I am unwashed. I have averaged eating one meal per day. I am so physically exhausted from not sitting. I’m mentally exhausted from worrying about everyone being so ill. I’m emotionally exhausted because, darnet, I am tired of bad things happening. It all captures motherhood so perfectly. The battles will be different, but the feelings are the same.
You know what, though. Motherhood is also really rewarding.
Chloe has been well. She has been such a trooper through her sisters getting boatloads more attention than she has. She has been keeping herself entertained by painting and building lego houses. She has helped out so much with anything she is asked to do. She even hand washed dishes the other day without being asked. I see her having compassion on her sisters, and my heart swells. I hear her praying that her sisters and daddy will be healed. I see Addi picking out stickers from the doctor for Chloe, instead of herself. These kids are so darn great, and I so often overlook that because I get caught up in the mundane.
Mama, if you are in a valley, I see you. I hear you. It’s hard. It feels like it’s never going to end. (Seriously, is it?) It will end eventually. It can’t rain forever. I am nowhere near perfect at this. But I have been writing down a short phrase at the top of my to do list. FIND THE GOOD. There is always SOMETHING good. Motherhood is good.