He sees me


Do you have those moments when life is just getting really hard. When you are saying “God, do you even SEE me here? Don’t you know how much this hurts?”

That pretty much sums up the past couple of months for me. I KNOW He sees me. But, it sure doesn’t always feel like it.

I got a big smack in the head today that I was so grateful for.

Through various circumstances, I had to find a new doctor. The insurance I have had a VERY short list of providers. I was looking into all of the different places. Then, I was getting ready to select and all of them went away except for one. I was kind of irritated, because it’s not what I was going to choose. But, it was better than nothing.

I went in this evening for my appointment. I have a spot on my arm that could possibly be cancerous. It doesn’t look good, but it could definitely be worse.

She spent some time asking about my health history and getting to know me. She asked what my husband does for a living.

Interesting question.

….Well, we have been in youth ministry for the last 8 years. We felt God calling us to adult ministry and away from youth, so you don’t get to stick around. Currently, we are sitting in a hallway without income and no local jobs opening up to make ends meet until the next door opens. I obviously said it better than that and more upbeat, but those are the main points.

Imagine my surprise when this doctor responds by quoting scripture and encouraging me to keep strong in my faith because God has it all worked out. “Don’t get caught up in the crazy anxieties of what is going to happen!” She reminded me that God has us exactly where He wants us and will move us exactly where we need to be; even if it isn’t where and how we want it to go.

I had tears welling up in my eyes as she spoke to me with such compassion and genuine appreciation for those who dedicate their lives to serve others. Maybe you don’t know this, but a lot of people in ministry really feel unappreciated… tell your pastor you appreciate him. Tell your YOUTH PASTOR THAT YOU APPRECIATE HIM!

I know all of these things. I tell myself them. I’ve had others tell me them. Something about this woman looking me right in the eye and loving on me was exactly what I needed in that moment.

I had some nerves all day because I knew that what I went in for wasn’t a good thing. It still isn’t a good thing… especially with her showing me some things that I couldn’t see above the surface. But, I had this sweet lady reminding me of how faithful God is the whole time that we are discussing the plan to remove this spot and make sure that if it is cancer, that it’s all gone.

I was there for several hours (and I still have to have blood work and actually have this procedure done next week). I missed a leadership conference at church. But, I know that what God gave me was SO valuable.

Isn’t it amazing how He works things out in ways that you never expect? Who knew that you would get a great lesson sitting in a cold doctor’s office?


Friends, thank you so much for your love and support. Please keep me in your prayers next Tuesday as I have this small procedure. I’ll also get the results on some thyroid blood work and be taking the next steps to find out if things have changed there and start getting some treatment.

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