I am not even halfway through this book, and my mind is already blown over and over again. I have been underlining and highlighting huge sections. Rachel wrote this book directly to me. I’m sure of it.
Actually, she wrote it for all of us. A powerful message that women need to hear. But, I’m not here to do a book review. I’m here to share something that I learned this weekend.
I’ll give you a little back story. I am a people pleaser. If someone asks me to do something, I say yes. I say yes even if everything within me is weeping over how badly I DON’T want to do the thing. I say yes even when I want to scream NO! I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I have always been this way. I lent out pencils and pens and so much of my own stuff in high school that my mom always had to buy new stuff for me. I have loaned out so many books without them being returned. I know who I lent each book to, because my memory just works that way. I was always excited to hear what people thought of the book. Do I confront them and ask for my books back? Nope. I’d hate to offend anyone. Someone borrowed my blow drier and kept it! Dresses, swimsuits.. you name it. It’s out there with some other person. Maybe. Maybe they just truly don’t care and got rid of MY things.
I make myself miserable by always doing what others want. MISERABLE.
I am an introvert by nature. I’m not miserable because I am an introvert. I get miserable because people seem to think they need to FIX me, and pull me into uncomfortable situations. I do not get a thrill out of being around tons of people. I get completely exhausted and overwhelmed. I get panicked. But, that is unacceptable to so many people, so I say yes to going places when I don’t want to. I don’t enjoy it. Craft shows? I’m there. I love that. But, most of the time. Nope. Please stop. I get filled up by reading a book, taking a walk alone, laying in the sunshine doing nothing.
I say yes to helping with things that I don’t really love doing, which only takes away from the little time I have to do the things that I do love. I love helping people. That is my nature. I love cooking a meal for someone who is sick or just had a baby. I love to drop off little gifts for people. I love helping organize and clean things up. I love that.
The things that you love are probably different from mine. Who loves to help people clean? ha! God made us that way. It allows us to function a whole lot better as a “family” when everyone has different strengths.
How many of you say yes to things that you DON’T WANT TO SAY YES TO. I’m sure almost all of you thought “yep, sure do”. WHY?! Why do we do this to ourselves?
I have told Scott so many times that I feel like we aren’t even LIVING our life. We are just surviving day to day. Then, I read Rachel’s quote above, and I about fell over. You mean, I’m not the only one feeling this way?
Yes, there are responsibilities. Jobs have to be worked to pay the bills. I have to do loads upon loads of laundry so that my family doesn’t go around naked. I spend most of the day teaching my children. (I homeschool, if you didn’t know that.) Then, I spend the rest of the day cleaning up the disasters that Harper as created and doing all of the household things that a stay-at-home mom does. I’m exhausted. (I know that working moms are just as exhausted, I just don’t have the experience to speak on it.) Then, throw in all of the things that I say yes to when I don’t want to. I have NO time to do anything that fills me up. I have been trying to pour from an empty vessel for so long.
No. More. I will not say yes when I don’t want to say yes. I will not continue to do “extra” things that just further drain me.
I said no to someone today. I planned on writing about this before this situation ever came up. I think it was really God challenging me to see if I was actually going to go through with the commitment I am making to myself– to my family. I said no, and immediately after sending my response I felt sick. I HATE disappointing people. But, do you know what saying yes would have meant? It would have meant that I would exhaust myself. I would drain myself even more. I would feel a sense of dread every day until that commitment came and went.
This isn’t all about me. Do you know what a drained wife and mother become? They become bitter and cranky. They take out their frustration on their families. They become miserable to be around. My husband and my kids deserve to get the best version of me. My marriage is my first priority under my relationship with Jesus. My children ARE my ministry. Those things all have to come first, for all of us.
We need to stop glorifying busy. It’s like we get bragging rights if we have the most loaded schedule. We are doing it to our kids, too. Running them from activity to activity. Robbing them of their childhood, and robing you of precious time watching them grow. I will not fall into this trap. I’m not saying that all activities are bad, so don’t start casting stones. I loved having Chloe in dance class, and want to be in a place where we can do that again for our girls. This season of rest has bee nice though.
I am challenging you to look at your life. Are you just surviving? Is your family just getting the leftovers of you? We have to stop this. We cannot continue to watch our society and families falling apart and wonder what went wrong. If we want to make any progress, we have to make big changes.
It’s not easy. Nothing worth having is easy. If it is worth it to you, you are going to find a way. You will find a way to make it happen.
Do one thing today that makes you feel like you are LIVING.