7 quick takes

I’m just popping in to share some pictures of our week. Happy weekend, friends!
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I’m working on an etsy shop!

#Toddler Harper

Harper turned two on Monday. WAH! I am so sad to see her growing into a toddler, but love seeing her personality shine more and more. Roller coaster, y’all!

Her well visit isn’t until next month (getting hers and Chloe’s out of the way at once.) She weighs 25 pounds finally!! She is still a little peanut. She wears a size 5-6 shoe.

Speaking of shoes, she is OBSESSED! She doesn’t like speaking to anyone, but she will say shoe and point at hers.

We are still doing speech therapy twice a month. She is at a little bit of a stand still right now, but is already doing much better than a few months ago! I am so proud of her. She clams up when the therapist comes though and gets REALLY embarrassed if she accidentally SAYS something. I’m not sure why or what to do about it.

She loves puppies, so we did a puppy theme for her special day. We made dairy free cake batter truffles for her since she doesn’t like cake. She has enjoyed snacking on them.

That puppy cake topper may be her favorite gift. It is by Oli & Carol if anyone is on the hunt for something similar.

Harper doesn’t really eat much these days. She throws her food on the floor and I think I would be better off just giving up on making meals… Or just make her a plate and toss it on the floor. 

She loves drinking soy milk and heavily watered down grape juice. She carriers her baby and “ninkie” with her everywhere. Seriously.. Grocery store, church, going on a walk? Baby is coming along with the giant Aden and Anias swaddled blanket. It’s adorable and I love it!!

Here’s another fun gift of Harper’s! Who doesn’t love bowling?!

Harper Michelle, I hope that you know what a ray of sunshine you are. We love you SO much. 💗

Authenticity

I have been thinking about authenticity a lot; being an authentic Christian. When I started this blog, I said that I wanted to be honest and real about being a pastor’s wife and mama. 

There is something that I have been hiding; something that I only recently admitted to myself. I have been struggling. I have been struggling with some form of depression for a couple of years now. 

At first, I thought it was just because I had a seizure and lost a lot of independence. Then, Harper was born and I assumed that it was just baby blues. Here we are two years later, still struggling. I am a ministry wife, and I feel like I am doing something wrong by even admitting this; let alone the struggle itself… I have had this typed and fear hitting “publish” but I need to.

I have made excuses for how I feel. I mean, if you look back on the past couple of years, you will see that they have been pretty rotten. However, my faith didn’t waver. I TRUST GOD. I don’t understand it all, but I trust Him and His great plan.

I spoke with my doctor last week. I was able to pinpoint when it all started. It could be a side effect of the medicine I take for seizures. So, we are scaling back on how much I take (apparently he had never seen anyone on such a high dose before). He is also checking hormone levels, because if they are out of whack it can cause all sorts of issues. I am looking at you, insomnia and exhaustion.

I hate the thought of automatically taking pills. I hate medicine. Now, please do not think that I frown on people who do take medicine for it. I know that it is necessary for some. There is no judgment there. None at all. 

I am very thankful to have found a doctor who is willing to let me try some natural solutions.

Do you know how it feels to tread water? At first it’s easy, and no one can really see how hard you are working. After a while though, it gets harder to stay above the water. Occasionally, the water covers your head and you fight like crazy to get back up. That is how I have been feeling. No one could see that I was hurting. It has been more difficult to put on a brave face lately. In fact, I don’t know that I have really been fooling anyone except for myself. 

Why am I sharing this? I am not looking for sympathy. NO! I don’t want it. I also don’t want advice; no matter how good the intentions are. I want other ministry wives to know that they are not alone. This path is not easy. It’s ok to struggle. It’s ok to hurt. You are not alone. 

Here and There

It is really difficult to write a GOOD blog post on a phone, so I apologize for my absence. I wanted to share some photos of what we have been up to lately.

Mostly, melting! Oklahoma is H-O-T in the summer; humid also. We haven’t really been up to much. Our new van broke down and got fixed a week and $400 later. That was a real treat. Haha!

I went to meet a friend for a play date with our girls. She lives on a ranch, which was so incredibly beautiful. The ranch also happens to be near The Pioneer Woman’s family ranch. I thought that was pretty neat to see in person. I mean, the sign. That’s all you can see from the road. 

Scott got spoiled on Father’s Day. The girls gave him this outnumbered shirt. It was a big hit.

We have also been doing some seriously messy baking. The girls made delicious tie dyed cupcakes. I don’t mind mess like this. Memories are far more important than a tidy kitchen.

 The past few weeks have brought A LOT of heartache. On top of the obvious pain of the senseless violence.. One of my best friends from Michigan awoke on the 2nd to find out that her 27 year old daughter had passed away in her sleep. Yesterday, a wonderful woman who invested in my babies in Michigan passed away. I tell you, ministry hurts. You open your heart to these people and they fill it up. When they hurt, you hurt. It is painful to be so far away right now. Both funerals will be happening this week, so please pray for Sam and Carolynn’s families. Even though we have a great hope, goodbyes are still painful.

The recent events have just reminded me of how fragile life is. I have been reminded to be fully in the moment.. Cherish them. The phones can be put down. Turn the TV off. Snuggle up with those you love and tell them how much they mean to you every day.